Sunday, July 06, 2008

hallo.

i m like back from camp. confinement next week for live firing rarr! and rushing a post so i can bathe and go meet her.

anyway. kinda funny how warped our perceptions of love can be sometimes. we think we know but the truth is we dont. haha. find the wrong things in the wrong people. then funny how we move from line to line, not knowing where and wad we are stepping into. not knowing the difference. imposing things on the partner and the relationship. its two way la. ah wells. somehow. the world needs to be love-educated.

and i love this saying. heh. i heard it the other time. and its those cliche pocket prayers. but i think of we hold on to the essence of this prayer. we would have much less grey hair. much better adaptation and healthier relationships. haha.

'God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; The courage to change the things I can; And the wisdom to know the difference.'

and i like Spanish. haha. they had the sky is the limit in Spanish in the papers and other day. and the sentence just looks so cool to pronounce.

on a sidenote. u know. sometimes. i dont know why. its not that i love God and also not that i have no desire to chance. but sometimes. i really do look at how i used to be. look at all the things thats holding me down now. and look at all the difficulties i have. i dont know if i ll ever measure up to that standard. cus i have fallen. and while falling. i have tried to hold on to all the hanging branches and climb bit by bit only to once again fall. call it self doubt. call it overly dependent on my own strength. but my self esteem isnt wad it used to be. my faith isnt either. its all tall order. it was tiring even when i was on fire. let alone now. and the truth is. everyday i feel so drained at the end of the day. its like the old army saying, "wah shagged ah, cannot think ah." but its kinda true. but that same old verse always comes back to me. as old and as cliche as it may be. but to me, my mental is killing me, my injuries are getting worse, i guess i m only willing to start not in the perfect circumstances cus thats just not possible, but rather when i no longer feel i m in dire straits. but i know Your listening to me when i talk to You, and u listen to me grouses and u read my messages and You know my thoughts and You still love me cus i feel You around. and i thank You for that.

ok. off to bathe. and to her. u know wad darling. ur not the only one feeling guilty for wad happened. i love u. and i ll do something about it. hugs.

|cowpoo| 8:31 AM|

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